Let me tell you bout yo momma...

[Deidzoeb]

Xeni Jardin on boingboing.net pointed out a string of geeky "yo momma" jokes posted on or towards her twitter acct. http://twitter.com/xenijardin
(See Xeni's twitter for attributions of all the examples below.)

Yo mama so dumb, she thinks steampunk is a buffet item.

Yo momma's so big and ugly she lies dreaming in R'lyeh.

Yo momma so dumb, she went to the dentist and asked for a bluetooth.

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around all 10*10*16 multiversal instantiations of the house.

Yo momma so fat, Han Solo sliced her open with a lasersaber and popped luke inside for warmth.

Yo momma so fat, she engirdles the world, and has engendered Ragnorök.

OHSNAPPP. Yo momma so fat, she took geometry in high school just cause she heard there was gonna be some pi.

Yo momma so dumb, she thinks the Singularity is what happens when you get divorced.

Yo momma so stupid, she thinks the Large Hadron Collider is a gay porn film.

Yo momma's so big Falcon Heene tried to fly away in her.

Yo momma so gullible, she believed some boy named falcon floated away in a ballon today.

Yo momma so old, she's an arguing point between Creationists and Evolutionists.

Yo momma so ugly, she make goatse cry for a unicorn chaser.

RT @Leon_Kowalski: My mother? Let me tell you about my mother!

I don't see any/enough grognard geekery in there. We can come up with a couple of good ones, can't we? (Below examples are mine.)

Yo momma so dumb, when the cops knocked, she told the dungeon master to flush her Bag of Holding.

Yo momma so confused by Tolkien, she thought Arwen was Eowyn and Saruman was Sauron.

Yo momma so dumb, she blocked Cthulhu's number on her cell so he can't Call.

Yo momma tried to slash the eye-stalks off the attorney general of the United States because she thought his name was Eric Beholder.

Yo momma so crazy, she tried to milk Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat with the Thousand Young.

Yo momma so crazy, her SAN was reduced to zero.

(Come on, help a brother out. I obviously can't do this by myself.)

[Deidzoeb]

Please forgive me. I could not stop last night.

Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Chimera is Russell Simmons' ex-wife.
Your mother is so dumb, when she rolled D12, Eminem lost half his posse.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks a d20 is a dodecahedron.
Your mother is so old, she paints Napoleonic war miniatures with the exact uniform colors and details she saw them in.
Your mother is so fat, her intestinal parasite is a purple worm.
Your mother is so nasty, she uses green slime to exfoliate.
Your mother is so fat and hungry, the green slime that's eating her can't catch up.
Your mother smokes so much weed, and that's why they call it White Plume Mountain.
Your mother is so forgetful, that's why they're called the Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth.
Your mother is so ugly, I lost 2d4 SAN the first time I saw her.
Your mother is so ugly, she'd make a basilisk wince.
Your mother is so nasty, her picture and stat block were withheld from the First Edition Fiend Folio in favor of something more pleasant (see Penanggalan).
Your mother is so ugly, Erol Otus doesn't have the stomach to draw her.
Your mother is so dumb, she's the one who suggested using THAC0 in Second Edition.*
Your mother is so dumb, she made characters named Edward and Bella for a Twilight 2000 campaign.
Your mother's marketing skills are so weak that GLEEMAX!!
Your mother is so dumb, she invested in Palladium cause she heard Rifts was being developed for N-Gage.

[Switching to tv and movie geekery below...]
Your mother is so dumb, she makes movies where people throw their swords like spears.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks the tv show Firefly was based on the novel by Piers Anthony.
Your mother is such a Trekkie, Neelix.
Your mother is so ignorant, she thinks "T'Pau" is the onomatopoetic name of the last cleaning product hawked by Billy Mays.
Your mother is so dumb, she thought "Seven of Nine" was a cute kid assimilated by the Borg who was brought in to perk up Married with Children after it jumped the shark.
Your mother is so dumb, she thinks Doctor Who's on First.

Bonus joke attempts:
Q: What do you call Firefly fans who are also Nazis?
A: Brownshirt Browncoats.

Q: What would you call a sidekick of Captain Kangaroo if he were a Nazi and a fan of Firefly?
A: Mr. Brownshirt Browncoat Green Jeans.


* Note that I never played Second Edition and have no personal opinion of THAC0, but heard so many complaints about it, it seems almost as big a pet peeve to D&D fans as people throwing swords in movies.

[Xose Lucero]

Hehe, some good ones there. The Twilight 2000 one is my favorite.

Yo momma so fat Jabba the Hutt said he'd hit that...with a stick.
Yo momma so fat she cosplays as Unicron.
Yo momma so dumb I told her to take a chill pill and they found her with "Undead & Buried" stuck in her throat.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks Dark Dungeons is the novelization of Mazes & Monsters.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks Erma Bombeck wrote Teenagers from Outer Space.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks Ghost in the Shell is about a haunted gas station.
Yo momma so dumb she wishes people wouldn't make fun of poor Jar Binks's stutter.
Yo momma so dumb she washes your mouth out with soap if you say "Bilbo".
Yo momma so dumb she overdosed on nutmeg trying to turn her eyes blue.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks Snow Crash is a prequel to Misery.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks a Silmarillion is the biggest number there is.
Yo momma so dumb that halfway through Batman Begins she asked, "When's Michael Keaton showing up?"
Yo momma so dumb she bought "My Life with Master" thinking it was a Barbara Eden autobiography.

[Deidzoeb]

"Jar Binks" and Bilbo = teh lulz.

Explain please, nutmeg turns eyes blue? I've heard nutmeg can get a person stoned or maybe poisoned, but I'm missing something here.

[Xose Lucero]

Yeah, that one's probably a little abstract. She read Dune, saw the awesome properties of "spice", and raided the kitchen cabinets.

[Pete Black]

Yo mama so fat that yo F = (Ma)^2.

Yo mama so dumb that she tried to get a drink at a bar graph.

Yo mama so ugly that even Heisenberg's certain she's ugly.

(What was wrong with THAC0?)

[Deidzoeb]

There was another one on boingboing comments credited to "eustace". I don't know if this actually works, but it looks like some programming language to me.

void howBigIsYourMomma()
{
while(yourMommasWeight < weightOfUniverse)
{
yourMommasWeight = yourMommasWeight + 1
}
}


Yo momma so fat, the ratio of her circumference to her diameter is four.

What was wrong with THAC0? Maybe it's just that the acronym was too long. In a way, THAC0 makes more sense than First Edition, but Third Edition AC makes even more sense, and I can't explain why. AC used to be kind of abstract and require looking up target numbers in tables, whereas now AC is just the target number to hit.

[Xose Lucero]

Heisenberg cracked me up. :)

[Pete Black]

As far as I'm concerned, the entire system went down hill after the Basic system. Can't beat simplicity...

[Sir Golgotha, KEoPS]

Yo momma so stank she makes troglodytes say, "Damn, that's stank."

Yo momma so old that she calls Cthulhu 'Sonny'.

Yo momma so mean that she's who Pat Pulling was railing against.

Yo momma so fat that Eratosthenes gave up trying to determine her circumference.

Yo momma so fat and stupid that she eats with a fauchard-fork and a bohemian ear-spoon.

[Xose Lucero]

I am exactly the kind of geek who appreciates an Eratosthenes joke. Thank you.