The Dire Cafe

Let Me Tell You About My Paladin

He once slew a dragon for its hoard, just because he needed to make change.

Spilled soda will float an inch over his character sheet.

His dice always roll twenties, even the D4's.

He has maximum hit points and infinite charisma.

5th Edition is already a failure, just on the rumour that he is not in it.

He is, the most interesting Paladin in the world.

Tags: let me tell you about my pala…, lmtyampd

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Let me tell you about my...

... paint can?

... salt tin?

... panda bear?

... pax vobiscum?

... Padme Amidalla?

... it was something like that...

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Random Paladin Sayings, roll 1D12

1. "By the Light!"
2. "Come with me if you want to live."
3. "Die, vile scum!"
4. "Come quietly or there will be... trouble."
5. "Evil forces are afoot."
6. "For great justice!"
7. "Get back, evil-doer!"
8. "I am the law."
9. "I'll be back."
10. "Let's be fair about this."
11. "You can count on me."
12. "You will be safe now."

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While making the Random Paladin Phrases Chart I suddenly realised: Terminators are Paladins.

They are noble crusaders trying to combat the human menace.
They are dedicated to order, peace, and harmony.
They are willing to sacrifice themselves, even by going back in time.
They are very tough and hard to kill.
They have a random roll chart of phrases.
They are highly skilled combatants.
They have a set of unusual abilities that aid them in their quest. Rather than being superpowered, they make the best out of what they have.
They are not out for material gain.
They are stereotypically taciturn.
Their supreme confidence is their greatest weakness.
They are shiny.
They will not stop--ever--until the quest is over. Do you understand? Do you understand?

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Time for more bad puns:






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Let me tell you about my pal, Adin. He's always been there when I needed him. A quick hug and all my worries and aches disappear. He always knows the right thing to do. He has a great car, too. He's just awesome.

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Yeah, yeah, I know: the reference is dated.

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Nice....

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